Nina's Reading Blog

Comments on books I am reading/listening to

Posts Tagged ‘aging’

This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism

Posted by nliakos on October 23, 2017

by Ashton Applewhite (Gale Cengage 2016)

As my birthdays pile up (seventy is now within view), I am coming to terms with my age and with my aging. Ashton Applewhite’s manifesto has given me plenty of ideas to consider, supported by research that contradicts society’s assumptions about “olders”, as she calls us (in contrast to “youngers,” aka “old people in training”). For example, dementia is not a given: serious mental decline is not inevitable (MacArthur Foundation Study of Successful Aging), and a fifth of folks in their nineties function cognitively as well as those in middle age (Laura Carstensen, director of the Stanford Center on Longevity). In other words, though we are all going to die some day, we have a fair chance of dying with our mental faculties intact. Or “the happiness U curve”: people over eighty tend to be happier than younger folks–as happy as children, in fact. They are “more self-aware and confident, less fearful of being judged, and authentically happy.” They are also more comfortable with the idea of dying than are younger folks, who tend to assume that the closer one gets to the end of life, the scarier it must be. Wrong. Around the world, the most contented people are the youngest and the oldest, with the working stiffs in the middle being the most unhappy.

I’m a pretty happy person overall, but I think it’s true that I am happier now that I am retired. That’s how it was with a lot of the ideas in the book: when I think about them, they just make sense, or my own experience bears them out.

The book is divided into eight chapters:

  1. “The Problem with Ageism” – What ageism is and how it affects us. Aging isn’t the problem; ageism is.
  2. “Our Ages, Ourselves–Identity” – Why we are reluctant to own up to our true age after some arbitrary number, like 30 or 40 (thinking that after that number, it’s just a long slide into oblivion), and how we internalize the negative stereotypes of aging
  3. “Forget Memory — The Older Brain” – the stigmatization of cognitive decline, the assumption that it will happen to everyone, and how in some ways our brains get better as we age (e.g., we deal with negative emotions better, are more emotionally mature and adaptable to change, and are less anxious in social situations); there is a “neurological basis” to wisdom.
  4. “Health, Not Youth — The Older Body” – Longevity is a good thing. Yes, there is some physical decline as we age, but a large majority of folks over 65 “report no limitation in major activities.” We won’t live forever, but we can live long and well, as long as we take care of ourselves and have adequate medical care (which we might not have if ageism is allowed to influence decisions about who should have which treatment). By itself, getting older is not an illness!
  5. No Expiration Date–Sex and Intimacy – Why are so many people repelled by the idea of olders having sex? The many variations on sexual intimacy.
  6. “Not Done Yet–The Workplace” – how older people continue to be productive in old age, whether in a paying job (if they can get one despite ageist hiring policies) or a non-paying one, such as caregiving (for spouses, grandchildren, and others). Negative stereotypes hurt older workers, who have much to contribute to the workplace and to society.
  7. “Long Life Is a Team Sport–The Independence Trap” – how isolation is harmful, and some ideas for ageing in community; we all rely on each other (at any age, but certainly in old age); the importance of interaction with people of all ages, all the time
  8. “The Bull Looks Different–The End of Life” – how the older we get, the more reconciled, and less fearful, we are of death. Death (the bull) looks different when we get closer to it (when the matador enters the bullring). Knowing that we are not immortal helps us to appreciate each passing day more.
  9. “Occupy Age! Beyond Ageism” – We need to change our thinking about aging. We are all ageist to some extent, but we can overcome it in ourselves and help others to overcome it as well. An example would be how we self-deprecatingly claim “a senior moment” if we make a mistake or forget something. I’m one who has said that on numerous occasions, but I have vowed to stop. If I make a mistake, I will no longer justify it by claiming advancing age! This chapter has lots of ideas for making our society “all-age-friendly”, such as including older people in medical studies and trials, adequately funding the Elder Justice Act of 2010, and helping older people to stay in the workforce longer by providing more flexibility.

Each chapter includes a section called “Push Back!”, which suggests ways we can fight ageism.

Applewhite’s book is a must-read for everyone, not only those of us who are over sixty. Few people choose to die young, so most people will confront the fact of aging at some point. (We all aspire to be old.) We would all be happier if our aging were not complicated by ageist prejudice (our own or that of others) and discrimination.

Applewhite blogs at https://thischairrocks.com/blog/ and http://yoisthisageist.com/.

Watch her passionate TED talk (around 10 minutes long) at https://www.ted.com/talks/ashton_applewhite_let_s_end_ageism.

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This Is Getting Old: Zen Thoughts on Aging with Humor and Dignity

Posted by nliakos on January 2, 2017

by Susan Moon (Shambhala 2010)

I just loved this book of essays about getting older, written by a Zen Buddhist American woman in her mid-sixties (my age). Susan Moon is direct, honest, and funny. She writes about the challenges of aging (physical deterioration, memory loss, loneliness…) as well as its joys (human relationships, grandchildren…). She writes from a Buddhist perspective, about her changing body and mind, her mother, her friendships, her self-doubts.

I suppose that most people under sixty would not appreciate this book, although reading it might give them the gift of an older person’s perspective on life, which would not be a bad thing.

Some favorite quotes:

My mind, like my bladder, is shrinking with age so that it doesn’t hold as much at once.

In a way, it adds interest to life to have these small problems to work on. Taking care of oneself becomes a more intricate project and sharpens one’s problem-solving skills. My knees talk to me, and I have to respond. The old bones provide a kind of companionship. It’s not really me who needs things like handrails and hiking poles, it’s my knees; I make these arrangements for them, because we’re family.

It’s not my fault when I have a senior moment any more than it was my fault when my hair turned gray. I’m just a human being, after all. I’ve had a lifetime of junior moments, when one word follows another in logical–and boring–succession, when each action leads to the next appropriate action. For countless years, I have remembered to bring the pencil with me when I go downstairs to use the pencil sharpener. I think I’ve earned the right to break free from the imprisonment of sequential thinking. A senior moment is a stop sign on the road of life.

Gradually, without noticing when it happened, I seem to have let go of trying [to find a mate]. It’s a big relief, I can tell you, not to be scanning the horizon for a spiritually minded socially engaged emotionally intelligent senior bachelor every time I leave the house.

The main thing is, I’m not separate, I only think I am. I’m one of the jewel-like nodes in Indra’s Net, that vast spiderweb of the universe. I’m not a thing at all, I’m an intersection where filaments connect. Pluck me out and the whole thing falls apart, like a knitted shawl unraveling from one dropped stitch. The universe holds me and the universe needs me. No way is the universe going to leave me for a younger woman.

I think of time as the landscape I’m traveling through on a train, and the train is my life. I can only see what’s outside the window. Yesterday was Naperville, Illinois; today is Grand Junction, Colorado; tomorrow will be Sparks, Nevada. I just see the piece that’s framed by the train window, but it’s all there at once, all those places, the whole continent.

 

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